January, 2009. Business was coming to a grinding halt in a depressed economy. We had laid off my assistant, cut back hours for the shop guys, and I was preparing to move my office to my home, saving the rent on the space my assistant and I had shared. It was not a good time for more bad news.
My business partner, called me into his office. We were running out of money & our credit was maxed out so I figured it was a strategizing session of some sort.
“We need to talk. It’s not good.” Well, DUH! I thought. Turned out, it wasn’t about the financial situation at all. It was about ME. In a nutshell, he had decided he no longer wanted to be partners with me.
In an instant, my professional life-plan came crashing down around me and yet, I was protected from its impact in part by my utter lack of concern on a level I didn’t yet understand.
For the several months prior to this meeting, I had been becoming less and less interested in work; in going there, in staying there and in general, doing anything WHILE there. As the sole sales force for our company, this was NOT a good thing! Try as I might, I just couldn’t get enthused with any of it. I was fully aware of the negative impact my attitude was having on things, yet I seemed helpless to do anything about it. I would really rather just sleep.
Initially, I figured I was just depressed. I was gaining weight while not eating much, sleeping longer every day, including a requisite nap from 3-5 pm every day. My sleep at night was beginning to be interrupted by the kicking off of blankets somewhere around 3am every night; not really a hot “flash” (as I had witnessed in older friends) but more of a warm flush. I didn’t have much of a social life, mostly because I wasn’t happy with the extra set of tires developing around my midsection. My imaginary medical degree let me to believe this was just your garden variety depression. Now, I was forced to address the idea of “divorcing” my work husband. I was just TOOOOOO exhausted to deal with this!
Working (this term being used VERY loosely here) from home one afternoon, still in jammies, I caught an episode of Oprah. The theme was menopause, peri-menopause, and all things-hormonal. One of her guests, Christiane Northrup, explained the symptoms of depleted hormone levels in women of a certain age. Oprah skyped with several “regular” women such as myself who described my life to a “T”. One after the other told of low sex drives, energy levels, appetites, enthusiasm for ANYthing, while experiencing weight gain without an apparent reason. As my eyes began to widen with the realization of what “this” might be, tears ran down my face, a release of emotions as I started to believe there was an EXPLANATION for all of this!
I immediately called my doctor who has known and treated me for 20+ years. When I explained my symptoms, she ordered blood tests. 3 days later the answer came: My hormone levels were basically non-existent. I was in perimenopause. She prescribed bio-identical estrogen and prometrium, both in the lowest doses available. I put the estradiol patch on that night and the next morning, I literally SPRUNG from bed, rested and refreshed, never to nap in the afternoon again, unless I WANTED to. It seemed like a miracle!
With this new-found and immediate enthusiasm, I was SURE my business partner would change his mind about dissolving our partnership. After all, I had an EXCUSE for my behavior over the past months.
This was not to be. Instead, it was the beginning of the end of this chapter of my life and the beginning of my spiritual awakening and my journey back to BE(th).